Weekly Nailgasm: All That Glitters

My darling dolls, my sweethearts, my raisons d’etre! How have you been? I just wanted to share my new nails with you, because I love you and want you to have nice things.

I recently told you guys about my fave nail salon, Chapel Spa Nail and Beauty in Angel, North London. Well this week they slayed yet again…

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I saw this gorgeous design on my friend’s nails and RAN to the salon (we all go to Chapel Nails dahling) to request the exact same thing. I love it love it love it! Perfect glossy pale pink, with that opulent golden glitter on a feature nail. These nails are subtle enough for the office, but fierce enough for the dancefloor.

imageCute, non? Want to know how to recreate this look at home? Treat yo’self!

1. You’ll need a good base coat, a pale pink polish, loose gold glitter (you can get this on Ebay for next to nothing) and an uber-glossy topcoat. I recommend Seche Vite Fast Dry Top Coat.

2. Apply your base coat and allow to dry.

3. Apply one coat of your pale pink polish and allow to dry. Psst! With these sheer/pale polishes you really do need to let that first coat dry properly, or you’ll get a streaky finish and you will be sad. Ok? Ok.

4. Apply your second coat of pale pink polish, but leave your feature nails until last. The polish needs to still be wet, so the glitter has something to stick to.

5. Feature nail time! Carefully shake a tiny bit of glitter onto a piece of paper, and then use a fingertip to pick up a small amount. Take it slow or you’ll get glitter everywhere- it’ll be like the dressing room on RuPaul’s Drag Race! Now G-E-N-T-L-Y start to pat the glitter onto your nail in your chosen pattern. The key is to *just* touch the wet surface of the nail, very very lightly. The glitter will stick straight to it!

6. Dip a cotton bud into some nail polish remover and clean up any excess glitter on your cuticles.

7. Allow to dry and finish off with a slick of top coat.

8. WERK hunty!

Love,
Adjpants

p.s. Sorry about my dry skin in the first pic- this winter ain’t loyal! All the shea butter in the world can’t fight this struggle xo

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Soundtrack to my (long) Weekend: Awilo Longomba- Karolina

Ooooooo CHILE! You guys, it’s the May Bank Holiday long weekend here in London, and the sun is shining! I’m deliriously happy right now and feeling so blessed. Life is fabulous. God is so good; can I get an exuberant “Amen” in this place?

*breakdances down church aisle, holding onto ludicrously large hat*

In celebration of the long weekend AND my birthday month, I’ve decided to share one of my very favourite songs with you. I don’t even know where to start! How do we love it? Shall we go ahead and count the ways?

1. This track, by the legendary Awilo Longomba, is one of West Africa’s favourite songs: Originally from the Democratic Republic of Congo, Awilo rose to stardom in the late 90s and pretty much refused to quit. Congolese makossa music (or zouk-soukouss as it’s sometimes known) has ruled the charts back home for years now. Just the other day I ran into an old friend, and while reminiscing he said “Ah yes, back when makossa was still relevant.” I got all intense like:

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Um, makossa will always be relevant
2. The love for this track is universal: From Lagos to Accra, from Freetown to Cotonou, this is the song that’s guaranteed to tear up the dancefloor every single time. It’s deeply embedded in my childhood party memories. If you’re ever invited to any West African function, whether it be a wedding, a birthday party or a christening (true story bro), this song will feature at some point. So best get your moves ready and bring your A game.

3. The aforementioned moves: The Congolese are revered throughout the African continent for their dancing prowess. I’m talking pelvic thrusts that could take your eye out. I think the secret is in the music- I mean listen to those pounding drums, that bassline and those frantic soukouss guitars! They put this track on and things get really real, really fast.

4. Finally, I just adore this video so much: This party is wild as all hell and I LOVE IT! I mean are we not going to talk about Ms Karolina and how she gleams for the Gawds? You just KNOW she basted herself in the Good Cocoa Butter before heading out to the club. Not the Palmers stuff either, I mean the good kind that her Auntie Doris (it’s always Auntie Doris) brought back from her last trip to Ghana. The gleam/fierce bod ratio was so high that my man at the door said “Pour vous, c’est gratuit!” (For you, it’s free). You bet your ass it was free.

5. The cheeky lyrics: Let me go ahead and translate one of the more salacious lines for you:

“Elle est sucré partout… elle est sucré devant, elle est sucré derriere… je ne peut pas la laisser”
“She is sweet throughout… she is sweet in front, she is sweet behind… I can’t leave her alone”

YOWZA! Awilo didn’t come to play games… I also love how some of the lyrics don’t quite make sense. Awilo is known for shouting out random names- I don’t know if they’re shout-outs to his buddies or? In this track, you’ll hear “George Weah waka waka” George Weah is a famous Liberian ex-footballer/politician who did incredible humanitarian work in his home country. But why is he mentioned in this track? Are they pals? We’ll never know. I think it’s fab.

6. The man himself: I have always been a huge fan of Awilo’s style- or should I say STEEZ because this is a serious situation! I know you saw those gold-tipped locs, and his pristine white jeans. Listen… I love that he dresses like that over-excitable Uncle that shames everyone at the family barbecue, dressing like someone a third of his age. I love Awilo and I’m here for his fuchsia shirt (complete with medallion and complementary nip-slip).

And finally, let it be known that this track is actually my alarm clock! One of my favourite comedians/YouTubers Clifford Owusu demonstrates why here. Watch it now, thank me later.

So my loves, crank it up and Get. On. Down!

Love,
Adjpants

 

Soundtrack to My Weekend: Iyanya- Le Kwa Ukwu

This post should really be called “Soundtrack to My Life” because I’ve had this song on repeat for so long now. Growing up in my beloved Nigeria means that my heart belongs permanently to Afrobeat. Initially made world-famous in the 60s and 70s by the legendary Fela Kuti, Afrobeat has continued to slay folks up until 2014. I love how modern West African artists are blending the old Afrobeat style with the typically Congolese/Central African sound, commonly known as makossa/soukouss/coupe decale. Add to this blend some of the best elements of modern pop music and you’re left with something INCREDIBLE. Get your chops round the video and then we’ll talk.

*sips palm wine*

And we’re back! Here’s why we love this track:

1. The phrase “Le Kwa Ukwu” is Igbo for “Look at that backside.” Perfection. You’d better effing look at it.

2. I am drunk in love with Iyanya himself. I mean. Are you going to SIT THERE and tell me that you don’t see how his waist moves as if independent of his body? You don’t see that glint in his eye? And that smile which is scientifically proven to cause arrhythmia? Just take a moment to look at that face. Honed out of the finest milk chocolate by a merciful God. I am so unable right now.

3. That thumping bass line. Those frantic drums. The smattering of cheeky guitar, so familiar to me from Central African/Francophone music. You know when you’re dancing and suddenly a track comes on that makes you lose your goddamn mind? Iyanya’s hit song “Kukere” was one of the most popular Afrobeat hits of 2013. Every time the opening bars start playing, there are howls of “THAT’S MY SAWNG” as people sprint for the dancefloor. Like, people are constantly injured in the struggle for prime dancing space. We Africans take partying extremely seriously- I myself have been known to do some quick stretches in the corner when my jam starts playing.

4. The whole song is about a man appreciating the beauty of a woman. The way she moves. The way she makes him feel. The vibe is sexy, sassy and most importantly, FUN. It makes me giggle.

So now tell me the truth- were you able to sit still while watching this?